Lenny blew through the door on a mission to the urinal. Ant was leaning over the reception desk, speaking in a low voice. Oh shit, Ant's tryna do Shehera! He tried not to giggle. Headset still on, he feigned a phonecall and listened in:
"Dear, you've got to buck up! Let me forewarn you: Don't talk to anyone. Just do what you're supposed to and that's it. Stay out of the gossip. These guys are all lowlifes. Ever hear what they say out in the yard?"
"I try to avoid going there as much as possible."
"Good. They're out of control, all of them. It's a madhouse! As far as I can tell, they're beyond saving." He shook his head in dismay. "They're far beyond saving."
"What about the girls?"
Ant's eyes bulged. "Those cunts?! They're savage! Anything Esmerelda sees or hears the whole sweatshop will know about in five minutes."
"A fire alarm?"
"Exactly." He grinned, ready to dine. "But don't worry; me, I don't talk to no one."
"What's Ariana's deal?"
"Ariana? She's a Xana - matrix! She's like Ms. Pacman, chompin pills all day! And the way she throws herself at Lenny?" He shuddered theatrically. "Yiiick!"
"Wow. Marlene?"
"Marlene," another dismayed headshake. "One happy hour she got drunk and started talking..." He scowled. "Toiletface. Just the other day she started mouthing off to one of my boys, and I go up to her and I says, 'You're a fraud of a woman.' She's a trucker."
"Thanks for the info."
"Yeah, just think about the future, ok?"
Lenny ran over as soon as Ant was out of sight, bursting with amusement. "What's he tryna do, tell you not to talk to anyone? Hahaha pssh, come on. I know what he's up to." Lenny honed in, ominous. "You know about him and Johanna, right?" he muttered. A Girl Friday.
"Yeah, Esmerelda told me. Sex in the champagne closet, right?"
"Right." He glanced around nervously. "But you didn't hear it from me. Just watch out for him, ok?" He reverted back to amusement. "Tryna tell you not to trust anyone but him! Haha! Please!"
Len felt a warm trickle down his left leg. "Anyway I'll see you later!" he shouted, running full speed to the men's room.
With grand aplomb entered Dan Shamooger, Chief Executive Coxcomb. His concerted effort at regal gait made him look like a constipated robot. He swept the serfdom with darting scans; eyes averted downward, lest he bow his rigid chin. He never connected with the peons who hailed him, fixedly penurious in warmth. Who could blame him? He was not programmed with kindess.
"DAAAAAAAAN!" Sam, head of metalcrunching, tottered over in haste, papers flying. He was damp and quivering. "This is big man this is REALLY big! I've got Repar on my ass, and that bitch from Meglatron keeps trying to half the deal-"
"Yeah ok," Dan recoiled. "Why don't you go have a puff, and then we'll talk about it, okaaay?" His whine was slightly more musical than Art's.
"Yes sir!" Sam dutifully rushed out. Haha, what a little bitch.
Sam blew through the lobby, slamming the elevator "down" button repeatedly. He jounced as if waiting for the toilet. Scanning Shehera, he blurted, "Hey Shehera!" Her eyebrow lifted. In a broken whisper he proclaimed, "I'm gonna RAVAGE you!" and ran into the elevator, finger slamming the "door close" button 100 times.
Down at the yard, everyone was taking turns ingratiating the little prince. Not bothering to get up, Lenny whooped, "HEY SHAMU SHAMU! WHAT'S NEW?!"
"Lenny, my boy," he grunted awkwardly. "Shammopin up that metal! Sup. Dawg. Keep it movin. Aaayites."
Len had to smile. How cute. In his past few years at MetalParade, Inc., "Shamu" had become his best friend. What a great guy. What an honest to god good person he is. Look at him, he's so fancy, with his Tiffanarium cufflinks, fluffin his tail. He got no wrinkles in his armor, no scratches on his boots, no dust on his cap... He sighed. He got swagger, he got sheen, he got enough bread to own his own kingdom, and he big enough to mount any bitch he wants. Sigh. Man oh man, I want that.
"EY LEN! GET Y'ASS IN HERE, NOW!" Ant barked. Feeling privileged as usual, he stood and shimmied to Dan's lair.
"Yes Dan?" he asked softly as Ant slammed the door.
"Len, sit down." Dan, in a typical snit, made no eye contact. His body faced Ant." We wanna talk to you about some things." He clasped and lifted his hands. Laser beam eyes sharpshot Len. "We're a little concerned about your allegiance. You seem to be floundering a bit lately."
"Yeah!" Ant stung. "We used to see you at 6 or 7 every morning. Now you don't slobber in until 8:30, 9. What gives?!"
"Oh...uh," Len's mind scrambled. "I...I'm not sure, sire. I guess I just feel tired." Fuck! Why the fuck would you say such a thing, Rico! Stupid idiot! Wartime was ostensibly at 9AM, but the phalanx were expected to arrive at least an hour early. Even larger mammals got in at 6.
"YOU'RE TIRED?!" Ant crawled forward. "Tireda poundin dough?! You're our biggest breadwinner since that nitecrawler sonofabitch Jim left, and now you're TIRED of it?" He turned to Dan in mock disgust. "Unbelievable."
"NO!" Lenny rushed to his own defense. "No sire, no, that's not it at all!"
"Then why'd ya just say it?"
"I..." Come on Rico, come on. "What I meant to say was that I've been polishing the spear in private these days. You see me take my hit list home every night. And I always labor on Saturday. Even Sunday! I polish my spear every morning," he became jovial, "only lately I've been doin it in my PJ's!"
"Yeah, well DO IT HERE!" Ant was livid.
"Yeah, we agree that you need to be in at 7, latest," Dan commanded. "You have to set an example for all the other dregs." He sterilized his throat with lighter fluid. "One more thing." His face crumpled grotesquely. "Please stop calling me 'Shamu.'"
"Man, I'm just playin wichu. You know, cause Shamu, Sham-"
"I know." Dan wizened. "But we're trying to keep things professional around here, okaaay?" Ant squirted bile. Dan looked away. "That's all."
Ant flung the door open, abruptly supportive. "Hustle baby, HUSTLE! KEEP IT UP! GO OUT THERE AND GRAB US SOME METAL, BOY!" He smacked the broad of Len's back.
"Another six droppings this week, okaaay?" Dan shouted. "You're my man Len, wha-wha-wha!" Len cantered to his cave, gallant and bubbly.
Sven raced away from Marlene's pit, culpable as hell. Yard relations were the professional kiss of death at MetalParade. Marlene shook nervously. Man, why she care about that shit? She know she too fine to get fired. Besides, Len laughed, everyone already know about that shit with Sven thanks to Esmerelda! I bet she just want to fuck Shamu or something. Hell, I would if I were her! Despite her temper with the laborers, Marlene was downright obsequious towards The Coxcomb. Sven never seemed to mind.
Len laughed again. She must not know what her boyfriend do after work on Friday. Or sometimes Wednesday, or Tuesday, or Sunday. Man, dawg likes Blissed Out more than me! Blissed Out was an "erotic services" company that Len/Rico patronized on a regular basis. It was the one place that he could forget about the yard. He started going there after receiving a 100 dropping gift certificate from Shamu, after himself making a 100,000 dropping deal for Metal Parade. "Now this only covers basic services," he remembered Dan saying. "Give her 50 droppings if you want a spearpolish. but don't say 'spearpolish'. Say 'bonus'. She'll know what you mean."
And thus began his relationship with Jaja. Sweet, sexy, foreign Jaja. His muse; his motivation to keep laboring. She never smiled unless he paid her, but from the neck down she was hot. He remembered the first time that they met. He introduced himself as "Rico," and felt blissed out the minute she slammed the studio door. He asked if she had any friends that would want to join in. "NO!" she answered brusquely.
So hey lay there, waiting for something besides elevator music to entertain him. He gave her a 50 dropping note. "Thaaahnk you." She grinned voraciously.
Still nothing. After a few minutes, Len hazarded, "Um...don't I get a bonus?"
"FOR 50 DROPPINGS?!" Jaja was furious. "Give me hundred droppings, and I see!" So he handed over another hundred droppings, and got about literally seven minutes in heaven. Afterwards, she growled at him in her native language until he handed over 150 droppings more. "Thaaahnk you." She smiled, almost warmly, and then kicked him out.
He was hooked.
Len looked forward to his bathroom breaks. One could almost say he had a fetish. Besides Blissed Out, it was the only other place in the world that he could forget his troubles. He trotted down the promenade and swung open the gate to heaven number two. He entered his favorite stall.
SSSSNORT! SSSSNORT! He heard next to him. Giggling, he asked, "Who's there?"
"Uhh! It's me, Sven!"
"Yo, what up stallion? What you doin in there?"
"I have a cold!" he replied nervously.
"Haha, YEAH RIGHT!" Len shot back. He flushed. That small tornado was music to his ears. SSSSNORT!
Exiting the muckroom, he heard females prattling. Tiptoeing quietly to their sewer, he listened:
"UUUUGH! Do you know how much IRON Sam gave me today? And this dress totally makes me look fat."
"I know. Terrible, isn't it? And they'll mine us to death to hoard 30,000 scrapmetals by not hiring another cruncher.
"What a dick. I can't believe Shehera flirts with, like, Sam."
"Yeah, that's gay. Everyone likes Ms. Congeniality because she's a phony."
"Did you see her outfit today? She looks like a bum."
"I think she's a psycho."
"Did you see Esmerelda's outfit today? She looks like Michael Jackson without the white glove!" They tore into laughter. "What is she trying to do, compete with Shehera for office wierdo?" That virulent laughter again.
"Ohmigod, this is like corporate high school. I'm loving it."
"I know. Hey, why does it stink in here?"
"Because women are unclean and stupid!" She became angered.
"Yeah, I second that. Women, are worse than men!"
Lenny was in pain from containing his laughter. These dumb bitches are crazy! All they do all day is sit around, shittin on themselves in the bathroom. Nasty! Haha, and they wonder why we play them!
Footsteps down the hall startled him. "HI SHEHERA!" Len shouted as he fled, laughing maniacally. Shehera entered the sewer.
Ariana glanced at Marlene in amusement. "Seeya later," she muttered, making a swift exit.
"Ohmigod, she is so annoying! Thanks for getting rid of her!" Marlene exhaled.
"Yyyeah, you're welcome," Shehera replied tepidly as she washed her hands. "Damn exploding pens." They shared a laugh.
The truculence broke to reveal gentle caring. "So how are you today? How do you like it here so far?"
"This is the most twisted place I've ever worked at. What the hell?! It's like 'Boiler Room' come to life!" Shehera was candid. Too candid.
Marlene's face twisted in painful depression. "I hate it here. Do you know what Ant did to me today?"
"What?"
"He made me spin around in my new dress so, 'I can see your ass.'" She covered her face in shame.
Shehera was robbed speechless, save for, "Report him."
Marlene looked up in fear. "No." She bowed again. "What could anyone do? It's my word against his. His. I'd either get fired, or he'd make my life a living hell till I quit."
"Then you could press charges."
"On THIS place?! Are you crazy? Besides, no one wants to hire a woman who's pressed charges like that before. It would end up punishing me more than him."
Shehera welled in empathy. She scrambled to break the silent desperation, and changed the subject. "Can you tell me if what Esmerelda told me is true? It sounds bogus, but at the same time I wouldn't put it past these scumbags."
"What now?" Marlene queried in dread.
"She said that Dan's cousin Karl owns a brothel. And that Dan's father..." As they walked out, she whispered, "...is some kind of international loan -"
"SHHH!" Three creatures swam out of the elevator. A malevolent looking Wayne Newton flanked by two neanderthal cronies. "Ohmigod, hitmen."
Seeing them frozen at the end of the hall, the Wayne character walked over. "Hello ladies!" His convivial, relaxed greeting echoed down the tunnel. He shook their hands. "I'm Nick Shamooger, Dan's father. Nice to meet you both!" One would never guess. Summoning his grunts, he entered the yard.
Shehera turned to Marlene. "Woah. That was unexpected!"
Back at the desk, Shehera toiled away on Infochat. Phonecalls to the company were an annoying disturbance. Preventing a virtual argument with her beau was the real work.
Lenny whistled, circling the watchtower. "Fucking vulture," Shehera snarled under her breath. "Nosy swine."
She then thought of a few questions that she wanted to ask. "Hey, Leeeen..." she smiled widely. "Can I ask you a question?" Shehera knew how to pour on the saccharine. It was her job, after all.
"What?! Wassup?" Len smiled in return, eager for some gossip.
"Metal Parade - what do they do exactly?"
"Oh, that's easy! Iron resolution and forwarding to people who can't use regular vaults. Haha, the metal freeze is makin me rich!" He was proud of himself.
"What about all these other companies that get their dung here?" She shuffled through the mail. "MetalParade LLC, MetalCarnival Worldwide, InExtreMissive, Inc., and Extirpay International?"
"The first two are just aliases. We all have them. My clients call me 'Rico'." They laughed. "InExtreMissive, Inc. deals specifically with...well, let's just say, they're taking alot of property off of people's hands. They're run by Dan's cousins."
"And Extirpay International?"
"That's Dan's father's company."
"And they do..."
"I have no idea!" Lenny laughed again.
"Probably ruin people's lives somehow," Shehera slipped. Lenny laughed even louder.
"Girl, you are funny as hell!" His gaze turned seductive. "Hey Shehera...wanna come to my crib and smoke a few after work?"
Shehera was disgusted, yet smiled. "I'll have to get back to you."
©M. F. Lemoine
No comments:
Post a Comment